[Len sits on the sofa and reaches for Barry, tugging the younger man against his chest and wrapping both arms around him possessively. As far as he's concerned, Barry owes him about two months worth of cuddles, and he's not going to be stingy about collecting.
Mick and Lisa being gone is lonely, but it's not the worst thing. They both talked to him before they left, and he knows they're back home, doing their thing, and waiting for him to catch up. That's fine. It's not the same as the way Barry left, and he had to suffer under the knowledge that Len had lost one of the best things in his life.
He rests his chin on the top of Barry's head and nods]
Yeah, yeah, I know you're sorry about a lot of things. You said you've got some ridiculous idea in your head that you don't deserve me. So talk. What've you done that's so evil that you think a guy like me is going to turn away?
[curling up against len's side-- it's easier. it means he doesn't have to look the other man in the eye when he answers. it also means he's free to enjoy the contact while it lasts. to settle in for the time being and try to relax a little. it'd be a task much easier to complete if they were talking about anything else though.]
I went back in time to save my mom, and I ended up creating a whole new timeline. But everything started going wrong and I had to-- Eobard Thawne, he-- I had to beg the man who killed my mom to go back in time and do it all over again.
[but that's only the start of it. it's also the one detail he hasn't shared with anybody else yet. but of all the people here, he knows that len will understand just how big of a deal that is. family matters.]
It was meant to fix everything. It should've put it all back to normal again. But now my best friend's brother is dead, and my other friend is a metahuman, and it's all my fault.
[and then there's savitar, and the dominators, and a whole slew of other issues that he hasn't even touched on yet. this is why he knows he doesn't deserve anything that len is offering him here.]
I ruined everyone's lives because I was selfish. And now I can't fix any of it.
[When Barry began speaking and explained that he had gone back to save his mother, Len was about to point out that he had done the same thing, but Barry continued. He bit his tongue and listened, frowning faintly. Mainly, he hears the pain and guilt that Barry feels - for going back and murdering his mother again after having saved her, and trying and failing to fix everything, but winding up making some people's lives worse.]
Okay, you fucked up. [He sighs and rubs Barry's back] You know the first thing I did when I went on the Waverider? I went back to my old house, and tried to change my own history so my father never got caught stealing the Maximillian Emerald. And you know what? If it had worked, and I caused a disaster by changing the timeline, I wouldn't have cared. Not one bit. Because unlike you, I'm a selfish bastard.
[He draws a breath and lets it out] Barry, the fact that you're so upset about this just proves what we all know - that you're the best kind of person. It's not bad to occasionally think about yourself. You're just a special person, so the mistakes happen in a bigger way. You wanted to save your family.
[as far as he's concerned, there's still a difference there. len hadn't time traveled before. so having sudden access to that ability, it makes sense that he'd want to use it for himself. for him though, it wasn't something new. he'd already learned the hard way just what could happen if you tried to change time. but that hadn't stopped him. hadn't even made him hesitate before heading back to stop thawne.]
So because I wanted to save my family, it's okay to destroy Cisco's?
[his voice is bitter, angry at himself for all of this. for being selfish in the first place. he really should have known better.]
You're asking me to make a moral judgment? I'm saying I don't think it makes you a bad guy to make a mistake, or do something selfish once in a while, Scarlet. But don't take it from me. I'm a con man.
[His arms tighten around Barry] If you're worried my feelings about you are gonna change because you did something bad, don't be. Remember who I am? You'll always have a place in the Rogues, especially if you turn to the Dark Side.
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Mick and Lisa being gone is lonely, but it's not the worst thing. They both talked to him before they left, and he knows they're back home, doing their thing, and waiting for him to catch up. That's fine. It's not the same as the way Barry left, and he had to suffer under the knowledge that Len had lost one of the best things in his life.
He rests his chin on the top of Barry's head and nods]
Yeah, yeah, I know you're sorry about a lot of things. You said you've got some ridiculous idea in your head that you don't deserve me. So talk. What've you done that's so evil that you think a guy like me is going to turn away?
no subject
I went back in time to save my mom, and I ended up creating a whole new timeline. But everything started going wrong and I had to-- Eobard Thawne, he-- I had to beg the man who killed my mom to go back in time and do it all over again.
[but that's only the start of it. it's also the one detail he hasn't shared with anybody else yet. but of all the people here, he knows that len will understand just how big of a deal that is. family matters.]
It was meant to fix everything. It should've put it all back to normal again. But now my best friend's brother is dead, and my other friend is a metahuman, and it's all my fault.
[and then there's savitar, and the dominators, and a whole slew of other issues that he hasn't even touched on yet. this is why he knows he doesn't deserve anything that len is offering him here.]
I ruined everyone's lives because I was selfish. And now I can't fix any of it.
no subject
Okay, you fucked up. [He sighs and rubs Barry's back] You know the first thing I did when I went on the Waverider? I went back to my old house, and tried to change my own history so my father never got caught stealing the Maximillian Emerald. And you know what? If it had worked, and I caused a disaster by changing the timeline, I wouldn't have cared. Not one bit. Because unlike you, I'm a selfish bastard.
[He draws a breath and lets it out] Barry, the fact that you're so upset about this just proves what we all know - that you're the best kind of person. It's not bad to occasionally think about yourself. You're just a special person, so the mistakes happen in a bigger way. You wanted to save your family.
no subject
So because I wanted to save my family, it's okay to destroy Cisco's?
[his voice is bitter, angry at himself for all of this. for being selfish in the first place. he really should have known better.]
no subject
[His arms tighten around Barry] If you're worried my feelings about you are gonna change because you did something bad, don't be. Remember who I am? You'll always have a place in the Rogues, especially if you turn to the Dark Side.